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[13 Dec 2008|04:12pm] |
friends only
[add me first]
[comment to be added]
[state your name]
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[01 Aug 2008|02:49am] |
I never thought I'd see that look again.
I never thought I'd have to fear for my life again.
And last night it all came back.
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[29 Jul 2008|08:26pm] |
I decided to post in this thing. But, I'll probably get a.d.d. and quit halfway.
There's too much to say. And I don't even want to talk about any of it with anyone because it's just one big mess and blahblahblabhlabh.
I'm doing everything I can to fix it and get myself out of it. It's just hard. But, I'm taking it one day at a time.
As far as everything else..well, I don't know. I guess for the most part I'm just alone. Everyone looks at me and judges the things I do and my way of life. But, no one understands me or what's really going on. I don't have my family or a boyfriend or my close friends to turn to. It's so hard living here in Gadsden because I either have to be alone and drive myself crazy, or hang out with people that I consider friends but, at the same time watch what the fuck I have to say or do, or hang out with people that I feel comfortable around but, I know my life won't benefit from being around them.
What am I supposed to do? I just don't know! My mind is so fucked up right now and I pray every single day for guidance. My parents raised me to know better..and I do. It's just sometimes I choose not to listen to that stupid voice inside my head because I guess I keep thinking it won't matter in the end.
I wish I could go back to the time where my future didn't matter to me and I didn't obsess over every single move I made. Because that's what these past 5 years have been about. Every time I feel like it's going to happen I just think "Not now, I'm not done." I'm obsessed with making sure my affairs are in order because.........ughhhhhhhhhhhhh fuck.
I'm done with this entry now.
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